Slow Parenting!

The recent film Babies by Thomas Balmes reminds us of how culture and context influences parental expectations and depending on the region of the world, how babies and children benefit from plenty of time and space to explore their immediate environment. It was enlightening to see baby Pinijao from Namibia feel and experience the natural surfaces surrounding his African home.

The author *Carl Honore in his best selling book, questions our 21 century approach to 'high pressure' parenting whereby time and space for children is 'micromanaged'. Honore advocates consciously creating free time for exploration. Something early childhood educators have abdicated for years but ignore by overly anxious parents residing in a 'speedy' Western culture.

Often to create space for themselves, parents' condone children watching inordinate hours of TV, which is detrimental to brain development, invest in expensive toys, project anxiety about test scores and future success. This approach unfortunately stifles creativity, limits problem solving, self reliance and in fact is more likely to stress children.

Children love to explore, they learn through their senses and play. They have a natural curiosity. As a baby grows their need to explore increases. If we view the child as the protagonist, by simply providing a few inexpensive objects to play with in a safe environment, parents can help facilitate a child's autonomy, imagination and creativity. Importantly, if self directed play is encouraged at home, it can allow the space for a parent to relax, regroup and unwind.

Pretty simple really, a more relaxed home life where children can explore safely, is more likely to fosters creativity and at the same time parents can chill and regroup. A positive reinforcing feedback loop!

As the holidays approach, why not take a nature walk to collect natural material for a home 'Busy Box'. Include re-cycled paper, paints, brushes, scissors, adhesive so your child can create endless masterpieces. Re-stock regularly. Hopefully you will create more harmony home so you can relax.

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* Carl Honore Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children From The Culture of Hyper-parenting 2008

Working Women on the Wagon

The abuse of alcohol and other substances abuse in the workplace is widespread yet often ignored. The effect is negative and impacts on performance and customer service. Unfortunately, substance abuse is on the increase but seldom addressed by managers within organisations.

In the USA the rate of women abusing alcohol and prescription drugs has doubled in the past 10 years and one in four children in the USA live with an alcoholic parent. Alarming statistics. especially when alcoholic parents are more likely to be less productive, injure themselves and others and neglect the emotional needs of their children.

Often a secret, alcoholics rarely admit the problem and often skillfully hide their habit from loved ones and colleagues.

Symptoms of alcoholism include:

• A preoccupation with wanting to drink.
  
  
• As the tolerance for alcohol increases, higher doses of alcohol are needed to maintain the original level of intoxication and desired effect.
  
  
• Cravings hinder unsuccessful attempts to abstain.
  
  
• Withdrawal symptoms surface between 6 to 72 hours from last drink including sweating, restlessness, nausea, stomach cramps, disturbed sleep, anxiety, agitation, and depression.
  
  

Heavy drinking can also lead to severe heath problems. Symptoms include high blood pressure, enlarged heart, liver cancer, painful inflammation of the liver, intestines, pancreas and stomach, impotence/gynecological problems, loss of memory and impaired learning.

If you have a colleague who you suspect has a problem, here are a few suggestions for how to help:

• Remain non judgmental, offer care and support, for example at an appropriate time mention your concern.
  
  
• Offer to help her with seeking support from professionals like a Doctor, EAP or specific substance abuse programs, for example, Alcoholics Anonymous.
  
  
• Stress the benefits of intervention and therapy, that it does get results and that it could make all the difference to your colleagues well-being and to those close to them affected.
  
  

Your help could save lives.

Balancing You and The Customer

It was Norman Vincent Peale who coined the phrase 'the power of positive thinking'. Controversial as his book was, he managed to stay on the best seller book list for over 180 weeks. In the article Keeping a Positive Attitude you can read how a positive attitude not only make you feel better, it strengthens relationships and makes it easier to manage everything from a bad day at work to a major life change.

Who doesn't need tips on how to deal with angry customers, co-workers or family members? How you respond can make a big difference to how you and the other person feel. You can't change their response but you can work on yours. In the article Handling an Upset or Angry Customer read about what just might work to calm the waters.

Stop trying to be perfect! It's OK to leave chores undone for a day or a weekend if it means making time for you and do things you love. Easier said than done you say. Sometimes we take life and work so seriously, we want to control everything to feel secure but is this a myth? Remember, Making Time for Yourself is important because it is likely to give you the energy to tackle everything else that is going on in your life.

Making a smooth transition from work to home can really help with stress, particularly if you have just dealt with a difficult customer. Think about your commute and what you can do to unwind on the way home. It's important for your well-being to leave work behind so you can be present to the relationships in your life you care about. In the article Ending your Call Centre Day tips on transition are gives to help you unwind.

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Listen To The Children

What a constitutes a good parent? The answer is subjective. Often it's easier to describe inadequate parenting than define good parenting. According a study by Ellen Galinsky from the Work Family Institute, the way children feel about their parent's work commitments differs markedly to what parents' think is important.

Parents in the study thought 'time away' from their children was the most important work issue for children and that by giving children family holidays and big events it would help make up for this. In contrast, children said what they loved was the small everyday moments, occurrences, rituals and weekly traditions with their parents. In fact children were far less concerned about big family events.

The children in the study were concerned about their parent's mood. Children said the listened intently to their parent's voice, tone and manner when they come home from work. Children worry and get anxious when parents are stressed from work. They want their parents to be 'present', not hassled, stressed or unhappy. Children want to know their parents love them and that their parents find pleasure at work and still make time for them at home.

The author suggests guilt is a useful emotion to prompt us to look at situations and identify what is causing conflict. Ask yourself, are your expectations as a parent realistic? Do we need to raise them or lower them? Is there a change you could make and if so, what is it and when? Awareness and managing dissonance requires discernment. Remember to be realistic.

Overall the results of the study highlight the need for parents to listen and engage in meaningful conversations with children. Remember to ask children often what is really important to them!

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*Book: Ask the Children: The Breakthrough Study That Reveals How to Succeed at Work and Parenting, by Ellen Galinsky. Perennial Currents, 2000.

Seasons of Life

Can we have it all in life? Well maybe. However, the patience and wisdom required to achieve our career and personal goals is a virtue many of us lack. From my observation many folks can, more or less, have what they desire over time if they view life as a series of seasons to be successfully navigated and transitioned. For example, if you choose to stay home and care for your children for a few years it doesn't necessarily mean you can't upgrade your qualifications and return to work at a later date. Perhaps you need to postpone you MBA until the children are through school or maybe you need to work through some personal grief before you apply for a big promotion.

Life is dynamic, new opportunities always present. Your career path may be dynamic, not linear, nor the same as the next person. As Edward De Bono espouses, 'sometimes you need to go to point C to get to point B'. Life can be a long time. The important truth is to know your values and live an authentic life.

Staging one's life goals, is in steep contrast to the predominant world view espoused by marketers, motivational speakers and the media who suggest a quixotic attitude coupled with the love of riches makes for a sort of virtuous life? Beware, like mice on a treadmill we can so often work harder, be avaricious, buy more things we don't really need at the expense of meaningful relationships, health, well-being and living our ultimate purpose.

October is recognized as International Work Life Month, a time to assess your work life priorities. I urge you to take the time to look at your life and work integration and ensure what ever you choose, leads to a virtuous, authentic and harmonious life.

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Work Life Month

We all know that being a working parent is a challenge, and you may be wishing you could clone yourself in order to find the time to care for the kids, home, partner, job - and yourself! Sharpening your time management skills can help achieve your goals at home and at work see how in Managing Your Time As A Working Parent.

Getting enough sleep sounds easy but during different times of our lives every day stress can impact our sleep patterns. In the article Getting a Good Night's Sleep you are provided with tips on establishing a bedtime routine, taking a nap and how to stay asleep.

Working from home can be very appealing for many. Some of the positives include not having to deal with an arduous commute to and from the office. However, there are certain boundaries at home that need to be adhered to like how to stay focused and manage your workload. See Boundaries When you Work From Home.

For many people, balancing the responsibilities of home and work can be a never-ending challenge. In the article Balancing Work and Life you are encouraged to think about your priorities, deal with stress/overload and manage the many roles in your life.

How many times have you said "this year I'm going to get fit". It seems the busier we are, the harder it is to find time to 'workout'. The thing is, there is always enough time, we just have to sieze the fitness opportunities. Fitness and Work shows you opportunities to increase your heart rate and build your muscles while at work.

Making the decision whether to retire or not is huge. There are multiple issues to consider. In the article The Role of Work After 50 there is an assessment tool to help your decision making, identify your likes and dislikes about your current work and encouragement about whether you want to head in a completely new direction!

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